


Something More than Everything

by synchronicities



Category: orange - 高野苺 | Takano Ichigo
Genre: F/M, Female Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Moving On, Original Universe, POV Second Person, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 20:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11676288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/synchronicities/pseuds/synchronicities
Summary: Taka is the first one to notice the glasses on your living room shelf.Original timeline, pre-reunion.





	Something More than Everything

**Author's Note:**

> idk what this is it's 1.5k of unbetad words just take it
> 
> title from oh wonder

Taka is the first one to notice them on your living room shelf.

“Azu,” she says, serious and practical in the way she always is. “You don’t wear glasses.”

“I could have gotten them,” you huff, crossing your arms. “You know, prescription.”

She tries them on, the rectangular frames only making her look more striking. Taka’s always been pretty, but in the years since high school she’s grown into her features, and her high cheekbones, almond eyes, and curved lips you used to envy could make any pair of glasses look good. _That’s something they don’t have in common_ , you find yourself thinking. Your friend squints, shattering the illusion. “These lenses are pretty thick,” she points out, taking the glasses off and folding them. “You might be older than me, but no way did your eyesight get bad in the month since I saw you last.”

You smile at her, fond. Of your high school friends, you’ve kept in touch with Taka the most – it helps that you went to the same university, but you were always used to doing things as a pair, so the two of you slid easily into adulthood with monthly coffee catch-ups and sending funny things to each other over LINE. Sometimes it’s weird, though, that Taka is a constant on your favorite contacts list and you’ve barely talked to Suwa and Naho in the last year.

This also means, though, that she can see right through you. “Is it a guy?” she asks sharply, primly placing the pair of glasses back on the shelf.

“No,” you say, futilely. 

She cackles. “It is!” Taka leans forward. “Someone new? What, you invited him over then stole his glasses?”

“So nosy,” you sigh, taking a sip of your tea. “It’s not – someone new,” you admit.

Taka’s gaze turn sharp. “What, that asshole from IT again?”

“Nope.” You find it in you to give her a teasing smile. “You know who it is.”

Her brow furrows. “Is it your ex from college? The one from lit class, what was his name – Haru-something?”

You shake your head, and preface your confession with, “You’re not going to believe me.” She raises an eyebrow, shrugs one shoulder carelessly. You inhale. “I met up with Hagita by accident last week.”

Taka blinks once.

Then twice.

“By _accident_?” she snorts.

“ _That’s_ your takeaway?”

She giggles. “Okay, you just bumped into each other at the grocery, then you brought him over, and then – what?”

“No, no.” You cross your arms. “He was in town because of something for his firm. We bumped into each other at a coffee shop.”

Taka twirls a strand of her hair around her finger. Absently, you note that it’s been long for almost the entire time you’ve known her, and you know she’s thinking of getting it cut. “That’s _very_ shoujo manga.”

“Shut up.”

She laughs and winks exaggeratedly.

“I didn’t sleep with him,” you say hotly. “We just had snacks, and he walked me home and we talked for a bit.”

Taka snorts. “That’s straight-up high school.”

“ _Takako_!”

“Okay, okay, sorry.” She waves a hand, smiling widely. “But how was it, Azu? Still kinda the same, or–”

You hum thoughtfully. “Kind of the same, but kind of – not? I mean, we’re both older. He has less of a stick in the ass.”

“But it was good?”

Was it? Yes, it definitely was. He’d been the snippier of the two of them before, but he’s less quick to answer now, more genuinely friendly and genial. But it had been ridiculously easy to slide into their old dynamic, her laughing and teasing, him biting back good-naturedly. He’s a well-paid accountant now, a contrast to the doctor he said he’d be back in school, and he fills you in on the years so nicely that you wish you had been there.

And he’d let you keep his glasses.

“Yeah,” you say finally. “It was pretty good.”

“I did root for the two of you,” Taka says quietly. “You guys were so–”

“Married, I know.” You blow a strand of hair out of your eyes. “That’s news to me.”

Taka blinks. “But he liked you, really,” she says. “And if anything, he _still_ likes you. I don’t get why nothing came of it.”

You roll your eyes because the two of you have definitely had this conversation before. It’s something she brings up whenever the opportunity arises, but hearing it _now_ , when traces of Hagita still remain in your apartment and curl around your thoughts, makes you cringe.

He _did_ like you. You’re sure of that much. It was in the flush of his cheeks when he’d given you the umbrella, his considerate smile when you asked for notes in chemistry, in the way he’d praise your father’s bread, in the way he automatically shifted to accommodate you when you leaned against him. There’s a part of you that would have liked him if you’d let yourself, and you know this deeply as well – in the thrill you’d get when he’d snark at you, in the ridiculous knots in your stomach when you’d catch him smiling, although he’d frown promptly afterwards.  

And yet –

“I don’t know, though.” You pull your knees up to your chest, suddenly feeling very young again – not Azusa, ten years out of college, but Azu, sixteen and uncertain. “I always felt like – the two of us, we didn’t…”

Taka is quiet, gray eyes trained on you.

Inhale. Exhale. You try again. “It would have been weird, don’t you think? For us to start dating, after…Kakeru? Naho was a wreck afterwards, and…”

“It’s been ten years though,” says Taka, her fingers playing with the tips of her hair again. You wonder what she’ll do when she cuts it. “Naho gave birth last month, did you see? She and Suwa...they regret his death too, like we do, but…”

“They moved on from it,” you continue. “I don’t know how they did it, dating and everything with Kakeru’s death just there. I couldn’t then, and I don’t know if I could now, if it was Hagita.”

“But you don’t _know_ ,” Taka says gently.

“Didn’t Kakeru deserve to be happy, too?” you mumble, and that’s _it_ , isn’t it? The awkwardness that never quite left since Suwa and Naho began their relationship, then the struggle to avoid Kakeru’s name at their wedding. You’d felt bad for feeling that way. You love them, and you’re happy for them. You just don’t know if it would’ve happened had he lived, but it’s not something you like to think about. What you do know is that Kakeru deserved the world, he hadn’t gotten it, and why is it fair that all of you do?

“He wouldn’t want us to live our lives according to that,” Taka says, her voice wavering. You know you’ve upset her, but you don’t say anything. She huffs. “You’re not the same person you were in high school. Neither am I, and neither is Hagita.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.”

“You’re the only one who thinks it’s not okay,” she snaps. She’s glaring. “And besides, why does it matter if it’s okay or not? We can regret it, but we don’t have to spend our lives atoning for it.”

You bury your face in your hands, breathe in and out, willing your trademark smile to return to your face. It doesn’t quite work, but you hear Taka’s breathing even out as well.

“I’m sorry.” Like always, Taka’s anger is quick to disappear once she’s let it out. “I want you to be happy, Azu. It’s not even Hagita specifically, I just don’t want you to look back twenty years from now and regret not taking action because of something that happened so long ago.”

You give her a teary smile. “No, no, it’s okay. You’re right, Taka. I just wish – it wasn’t so hard, even after all this time.”

She sighs deeply. “Yeah. We’re still on for that reunion, right? In spring?” It’s a graceful out, and you take it.

It’ll get better, someday. It has to.

Life will go on regardless.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” you say, genuine.

“Good,” Taka says, and she’s smiling again. “Wouldn’t want to miss seeing Hagita in contacts, finally.”

“Here, I’ll show you a picture.” You clamber up next to Taka on the couch and fish out your phone, showing her a picture not even a week old. In it, your cheek is pressed tightly to his, and you’re both smiling so widely at the camera that it doesn’t even feel like a real picture, your happiness spilling over to the twinkle in your eyes, the red of your blush. Hagita’s glasses are perched on your head proudly. “He does look more handsome without them, right?”

She puts an arm around you and laughs. “Sure, Azu. Yeah, he does.”

It’s a start.

* * *

 

Hagita turns up to your reunion three months later wearing contacts like you said and driving a fucking _minivan_ , laughing off Suwa’s teasing. You notice that his hand twitches, like he’s itching to adjust his glasses but they aren’t there. The two of you share a secret smile over Naho’s head, before you turn back in your seat to fix your seatbelt. Taka, hair freshly shorn, looks at you pointedly, but you smile blithely and look out the window, listening to Naho calming her fussing son.

Things change and move forward. You’ve always known that.


End file.
